We know it’s a cliché, but your presence is the present. If you’re reading this, you’ve been invited because we value your warm wit and affability*, not your bank balance. We have no expectations beyond being able to share a wonderful evening with you.

All that being said, we recognise that some of you might not be able to sleep easy unless convinced we’ve been given the best start to conjugal life. The exorbitant cost of renting on the outskirts of London has put us in a fortunate position of being unable to acquire much more stuff for our tiny one-bed flat, so most material gifts are by necessity off the cards.**

We would however welcome contributions towards our mega-moon in Japan, which we’re hoping to schedule for the months following our big day. As a fundraiser by trade, I know that asking people to chuck cash into one big amorphous pot is pretty uninspiring, and that project specificity and donor benefit is key. With this in mind, here’s an insane crowdfunding model we’ve developed.

*if you lack these traits, you’re invited because you’re a blood relative and it would be too awkward not to, but that’s ok too. Hi mum!!

** We are fortunate to have so many talented, creative friends and family members. If you would prefer to draw, paint, print, sculpt, craft, sew, or write a folk art masterpiece for us, we’d be enormously touched and grateful.